All Good Things Come to an End

I love blank pages of paper. Electronic ones. They make me excited because they give opportunity to endlessly write, which I don’t do near enough as I want to or should (to develop my skills). But something about having a blank page in front of me motivates me to no end.

This week I am back at work part time and then next week full time. We have a half week because of Thanksgiving which is helpful in transition.

I long for being home. Levi and I had our routine: get up, make coffee, turn on Good Morning America and Regis and Kelly, feed, play time, sleep, repeat.

Back at work I’m already into the same old routine – helping people resolve issues with clients that have resurfaced from months ago and wondering why it is so hard for them to do the same digging I do to find the information they need. Some things never change. The office is still bare, eerie, and quiet. Offices are spread out and I never hear much chatter just as before. I guess that’s a good thing, but it’s often too strange for words.

People are being nice asking about Levi and how I’m coping. They seem genuinely concerned for my wellbeing and ever since the word came out that I was pregnant, they’ve been ultra-supportive. I do work for a good company.

It is hard leaving something you love so much, but I am grateful that we do not have to put Levi in daycare and that he is able to be with his daddy and nanny during the day.

So, back to the old northern Virginia commute I go, except with a new added label: mom.

God as Governor

This morning as I was driving in my car I prayed that God would be the Governor of my life. I’ve never prayed that before as it just slipped out when I was speaking.

 

What a powerful word to describe his Mastership over our lives: Governor.

 

With the birth of Levi we have been governors over his life. He has no understanding yet to make decisions of his own and is too little to seek guidance from Christ to do so. So we, his parents, intercede on his behalf and ask that God guide us to guide him. It is a unique job and one that I often forget about as I am living daily life.

 

I often forget that Levi looks to us for everything even though he doesn’t know it. And not just to keep him clean, feed him, or clothe him, but to guide him in the way he should go (Prov 22:6 – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it). If I am not living my life the way I should then the filtration to my son will ultimately impact him negatively. On the other hand, if I am living the way I should, a way that is holy and pleasing to Christ, then it will ultimately (a parent always hopes) impact him positively, with the end goal in mind that he will learn to make the right decisions from our Father on his own.

 

With all the busyness and messiness and craziness that being a parent brings I realized that I sometimes get so caught up in governing Levi’s new life that I forget who is really in control of both of our lives. And for that matter, my whole family’s life. I’m constantly going here and there and trying to remember what to pack him and how to raise him and what to do when he cries and won’t sleep. But I need to remember that even though I am training him, I still need to look to Christ for guidance with his life.

 

Thanks for listening to my therapeutic ramblings… :)