The Root of Pain. The Problem of Pain.

I've been struggling a lot lately with the "problem of pain."

As C.S. Lewis puts it in one of my favorite quotes in his book "The Problem of Pain"...

"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

I've been asking myself the same questions lately that non-believers often ask me, or make comment to me about:

"If there is a God, and He is so great and 'loves' us so much, then why is there so much pain and heartache and evil in the world?"

I think the answer is often simpler than one would like to admit:

He allows pain because of the "Fall."

While this is true that the very moment Adam and Eve ate from tree of evil the Father allowed pain, it doesn't mean a whole lot to the person suffering. I didn't - we didn't - eat from the tree of evil. So why do we have to suffer because of someone else's wrongdoing?

I really don't know the answer to this. I don't know the answer to a lot of things.

And because I had not yet really had a long-suffering in my own life, I now truly understand why other people have asked this question too.

"I'm a good person. I do good things. I pray, I go to church, I eat mostly right, I love my children, I work hard. Why do I feel like I'm being punished, tormented, and strung along? Why do I feel like I'm being teased and have a broken heart? If God loves me, why is He allowing me to suffer and not give me what I want?"

I. Don't. Know.

God allows pain because of our sin. Genesis 3 states:

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock

    and all wild animals!

You will crawl on your belly

    and you will eat dust

    all the days of your life.

15 And I will put enmity

    between you and the woman,

    and between your offspring[a] and hers;

he will crush[b] your head,

    and you will strike his heel.”

As my cousin put it in one of her own blog post, "writing is extremely healing for me."

Forgive my vulnerability and attempt at openness in advance, but indeed, while perhaps not a healing mechanism, writing is therapeutic.

I don't know why there is so much pain in the world. And I don't know why we suffer. And why if God is so good, so caring, so loving, and all things are possible (Matthew 19:26), that we followers of Him experience pain and suffering just like the rest of the world.

I wish that there was a deeper answer I could offer, from the Lord. I wish I could lean down, whisper, and tell you exactly why we go through what we go through, because I want answers myself.

I've been extremely hurt at times, "mad at Him" once or twice, and downright heartbroken - like many of you - I'm sure. The bottom line is, we are on this EARTH and we suffer. The earth was not meant for eternity. Heaven was. Earth is His creation, His land, His place, that He created for us to live until He comes to rescue us.

But He did not promise that there wouldn't be pain.

The only conclusion I can come to from all my readings and teachings and praying is that even though He allows me to suffer, to feel pain, to question Him, to wonder, and perhaps to worry, is that He simply wants to draw me to Himself.

He wants all of me.

He wants me to find Himself amidst the pain and suffering. He wants my heart. He wants me to find comfort and "answers" and safety in His ways and in His words and in His arms.

He doesn't allow pain because He wants us to suffer. I believe He allows it because He wants us to draw nearer, and nearer, and nearer to Himself.

After all, we are His anyway. From the beginning and to the end.

For Genesis 3:19 says:

"By the sweat of your faceYou will eat bread,Till you return to the ground,
Because from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.”


"No doubt pain as God's megaphone is a terrible instrument; it may lead to final and unrepented rebellion. But it gives the only opportunity the bad man can have for amendment. it removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of the rebel soul."
-C.S. Lewis

Things of Lately.

We've been having loads of fun together lately.

We've done some great things this year (and it's not over yet!) and had some exciting changes in our lives like settling into our new house and making upgrades to it. Visiting Sesame Place and Philly. Playing outside in our big front and backyard. Levi's start of preschool. Celebrating his 3rd birthday. The Fall Jubilee. And all things in between.

We love to do things together. We're like the three musketeers.

This year has also had it's fair share of hardships and trials, indescribable pain, suffering, and loss. The Lord continues to test us, me, and ask for trust in Him. Difficult times are ... difficult. And sometimes there are just no words to say in dark moments other than "Praise You Father," even though we really don't want to. And for the first time I think ever in my life, I felt an anger at Him that I never have. Yet, what I'm continually called to do is praise Him for His grace that sees me through that anger and comforts me like a Lamb.

Back to those ups!

No matter what, I'm grateful for our family, our time together, and the wonderful...and I DO mean wonderful...love we share. There is no greater earthly feeling in me right now than coming home to Levi every day and being greeted with a big hug and kiss each day. Can he stay this age forever?

In addition, Isaac just worked his last nightshift yesterday before moving to days next week. The past four years have been trying, messy, and to say the least a juggling frenzy. But we made it. And if he had not worked night shift, Levi would probably have had to do some daycare. But because of that and having precious Mimi, he didn't. I'm so grateful. Grateful for his continuing service, sacrifice, devotion, care, and support. And grateful that his butt will be home every night now. Woo-hoo!

With Isaac moving to day shift, it afforded him plenty of special moments with just he and Levi together (the mall, the pool, their favorite parks), which will not all be lost with this change, there just won't be as many. For me, my "special" time with Levi was spent at night. And while we did have several nights with all three of us home together, if often seemed few and far between. Therefore, Levi and I had lots of dates together of our own as well. Shopping at Marshall's, the bookstore, the train station, Mimi's park, visiting Keek's, getting pizzas, grocery shopping, and watching Caillou. You name it, we probably did it.

I'm really sad for this change, sometimes because it's been three years with what seemed like just me and him every night, bonding and growing and nurturing our relationship and our routine. We would play, and sing, and dance, and act goofy. Then we'd eat dinner, I'd give him a bath, brush his teeth, and read bedtime stories. And the evenings were always filled with hugs and kisses in between. Those things won't change, we'll just have another addition to our party. And we'll be figuring out a somewhat new routine together.

It seems like it's all changing. But it's a great change and one I've been longing for. It kind of also means more work though. For me. Isaac will be gone in the mornings now on days he works well before I even get up, which means I'll have to get Levi up and dressed and breakfast before Mimi comes over. Or at least have everything prepared in advance. Not only that, but I will be back to cooking more frequently now that he'll be home every night. No more toquito dinners from Sheetz Isaac, sorry!

Though my heart is heavy for thinking back on these times, it's also very full.

Here are a few pics of a fun water night we had this summer, his birthday, and the Fall Jubilee today. I wanted to write a blog on each, but I've been a bit behind.

Hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful Fall weather! XOXO.