Teach me, O' Lord.

I'm wondering how to not talk about people at work.

Every day I ride in my car on my way in and I pray the same prayer, "Lord, please help me not to gossip and keep my thoughts to myself. Please help me not to talk about anyone and keep my comments inside. Help me resist the temptation to not do it." And eevvrry day, I do it. I talk about people. I'm aware of what I'm doing and sometimes I do stop myself, even if for a brief moment, to not say one big, grandios, thing I was going to say. But I'm wondering, how do I totally and fully commit myself to doing this every day?

One of my friend's from Huthwaite used to do this so seemingly easily. She never talked about people, and when she did, it was always relayed with emotion that lead you to know that she didn't want her name labeled on anything bad. Why can't I be more like that? For some reason, I have an extremely hard time NOT divulging information, especially when it's something good and when it's something that will make me feel good when I say it. I regretfully admit it.

But we all know those thoughts and feelings and words are fleeting. So fleeting that the moment they're uttered out of my mouth, I regret them and am convicted. There is no good, ever, that comes of talking about anyone or anything that is not of Him. I am no saint and will never be, by far. But I have to keep trying, keep pressing in, to do better and to try harder.

God loves the sinners and he loves the strugglers. Why can't I, too, uncover the relentless will of the hurting man and relate to the depth of what lies in his heart rather than strike his soul with another hurtful word? In the midst of my pain and stress and despair of my mundane routines I hunger for an outlet of my outright verbose and gregarious explosions. But rather than release them to another hurting soul, I should rather release them to the Spirit who will make me whole again.

Teach me, O' Lord.