Fit to the Beats: October 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

When all the Hype Fades

It has been over two weeks since Levi was born. I cannot believe it. He is already growing out of some of his onesies and has gained one pound, per his two week checkup with Dr. Abbott. His feet and hands are peeling and we are starting to see a little baby acne around his face. His hair, dirty blonde, has already grown some and we joke about taking him to get a trim. I’ve cut his fingernails once (it was an attempt while he was sleeping) and we’ve given him two baths. He’s peed all over himself at least 20 times and I’m on my third batch of doing his laundry. Time does fly, as they say.

I already miss Levi’s first days of being born. I miss the hospital and being pampered by the nurses and annoyed by the lactation consultants. I miss waking up to his face in the morning and holding him in my bed and studying his arms and legs for the first few moments of his life. I miss being tucked away with Isaac in our room with just the three of us while we basked in the joy of our newfound love and took turns looking at him in amazement. I miss laughing at Isaac’s uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, a sad little pull-out chair stationed in our room. I miss ordering breakfast and taking a sip of coffee, without guilt, for the first time in nine months. I miss Isaac running to Bonefish to get dinner and bringing back bang-bang shrimp for a late night snack and I miss the way he looked after my needs more closely than he ever has in our 12-year relationship.

The affection, the attention, the care, and the love from those surrounding our camp helped build so many memories that I am already longing for all over again. Although it is still early in the Levi game, his innocence and the longing I feel for his frailty and inevitable dwindling need for dependence upon me is already burning a hole in my heart. At two weeks old, I’m desperate to relive the first time I laid eyes on him and for his tiny newborn hands and feet.

So, what’s left after all the excitement, the newborn buzz, the short-term attention, the baby fan clubs knocking at your door eager to see his cute new face, and a husband back at work? A desperation for establishing routine. Fatigue. A bit of loneliness. A longing for establishing some sense of the normalcy you once had. Nostalgia for all the aforementioned.

After all the hype, reality sets in. Someone has to get up when the baby cries at 3 a.m. because the nurses will not be there to do it for you. You become responsible for nurturing and growing this being you created. You stress about what the right thing to feed him is and when and if he is getting enough. You worry about his head bopping around in the car seat that swallows him and bringing him out in public because of germs and because he may cry. You wonder when the right time to put him in his crib is and how you should bathe him. And everything you read goes out the window because all you want to do is get him to stop crying at those 0 dark 30 moments, and you’ll do anything to make that happen. Anything.

Something inside yourself changes as you realize that your life revolves around this new person. That you no longer have the free will to do what you please and that your life is now centered around caring not for yourself full-time, but for someone else.

Yet even though all these things are settling in at once as a rushing wave over your head, this new person dependent upon you is yours to smother, to love, to look at, to raise exactly how you want. Suddenly you care less about your stretch marks and more about your baby’s coughs and cries and habits. You look at him 900 times a day and awake at every coo, wondering if he is ok. You dress him in cute clothes for your friends and kiss him on the cheek at every stolen glance.

When all the hype fades, it’s hard to face the reality of being responsible for a new life. But the long-term benefits that come with being a parent make everything worth living for.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Levi Robert Gresham

You know I had to post a blog about Levi: born September 29, 2011 (his Grandpa’s birthday) at 7:02 p.m. at Fair Oaks Hospital weighing 7lbs, 9oz.

I wanted to share some pics we’ve taken over the past few days of our first days as a family of three (still can’t believe I’m saying that) and type up a few thoughts about this new journey we’ve begun.

This whole process has been one of the most challenging events of my life – from being pregnant to going through labor and delivery, and now to being parents. As I sit here on the couch typing to you my son (so weird to say that!) is sitting in his bouncer sleeping with his precious scratch mittens on. He’s too little for it at the moment so we had to put blankets on each side of his head to prop him up. It was a sight to behold.

Although you hear many women say what an amazing experience giving birth is and how they can’t even fathom the depth of the joy of bringing to the world the little miracle they carried inside them for nine months, it really is the most amazing thing I think a woman could ever live through.

The way a baby is formed and fashioned from conception is a miracle in and of itself but then the way he grows and nurtures himself inside you on his own is something we will never understand. From feeling the first kicks to the hiccups and seeing the deformation of your stomach into various shapes and sizes are things that actually can be painful and weary to endure, but are rewarding and captivating.

While I did enjoy the firsts of all those things, it is definitely so relieving to be back to normal, albeit flabby. Bending over has never felt easier and a beer never tasted better.

The labor and delivery of Levi was very memorable as his Grandpa and dad and I waited six centimeters long in our living room. Unbeknownst to us, by the time we got to the hospital his birth was only seven hours away. That period of waiting at home, although painful, was relaxing to be amongst family and the comfort of familiarity.

I hadn’t the first clue what to expect with labor, but to my surprise it was not as bad as I envisioned. A woman’s body can do amazing things.

As Levi was being born into this world it was painful – although I was drugged it did not fully help. Of course at the time there is nothing you want more than for it to be over, but enduring what I felt makes my love for him that much stronger.

Laboring and the pains of childbirth are something no one can prepare you for, but also something you will never, ever regret. You feel like a champion. You can do anything.

And Isaac was a warrior.

On a final note, one last thing that has stuck with me through this memorable time is family and friends. The amount of love and warmth we have felt is overwhelming to say the least. Loved ones from near and far who came to visit made us feel so special. The time that each of them took out of their day and schedule to make the trip to the hospital, cook us dinner, or shower us with gifts is beyond what we could have imagined would ever be done for us. Each and every person who played a part in his birth is a blessing to us.

What we now feel as parents is exhaustion, busy-ness, lack of time and energy and ability, and constant worry. We knew those things were coming, but we had no idea just how much work taking care of a little one would be.

The rewards, however, of seeing him smile, studying his hands and fingers and toes, looking into his eyes, trying to figure out which features of ours he has, and holding, swaddling, and smelling him are far worth the energy it takes to raise him.

And most importantly, we are so grateful that he is healthy, happy, and full of life!