Making Your Home a Haven

I've been thinking lately about making a home a haven. I love my home. I love the way it smells, the way it looks, the way my couches invite me to relax. I love the paint on the walls and the pictures I picked out just for certain arrangements. I love my nightly and morning rituals of packing lunches and getting my coffee pot ready for the morning that will prepare me for the next day's events. I love my English muffins and my corny travel mugs that have seen many good conversations to and from work.

I love my bed, where I can snuggle up and not feel intimidated by anyone. It makes me feel so good. I love my bathroom with all my lotions and sprays that wait patiently for me to use them again. They know exactly how to lather my skin and make my legs shimmery. My three perfumes, which sit on my dresser, bring me aromas of goodness and make me feel pretty. My jewelry hangs so delicately in the closet, maintaining their sparkles and waiting for another job to accentuate my wardbrobe and decorate my outfit to the perfect tee.

I feel comfortable and good in my house. I can open the window for a cool breeze on a spring day or turn up the heat as high as I want to warm my bones. I can snuggle up in a blanket and sink into the nooks and crannies of my sofa or do a crazy dance in the middle of the foyer. My house doesn't care what I do, and that makes me feel good. It will never judge me. The walls will not criticize my singing skills and the mirrors will not shout at me with words of pressure to lose weight (though the mirrors never lie). I can surf the net 'til 2am or watch a movie that I've seen a thousand times. I can read my bible and pray aloud or meditate on good silence until I fall into slumber.

My home is who I am. I need it. I cherish it. I love it. And even though its never ending bills drive me mad, I still know it's all mine for the taking.

A Cry

There is a burning desire that fully lurks in the hearts of man to breath life into dreams and desires to change the world and make better the littlest bit of our puny lives. It is the deepest, darkest secret of our crying hearts to know the truth of our helpful qualities and arrange a symphony that will blow the world away and crush the ones that chain us down. The fears we keep locked inside our fearful minds shout for release and shake the bones that nod us forward into the greatest gifts we've never known. The burden is great and the pathway is not bright, but the candle that will lead us there is flickering ahead. It is gnawing at our skin, eating us alive, impressing deep movements upon our souls. It is the dream that has always been there, it is the dream that always will be, and it is the dream that cast the net light years ago into the very pit of our lungs. Its fire, its truth, its beaming goodness is the rope that lies ahead and waits for your climb. It will not break, it will not fail, but do not be suprised if it branches off into whole new creations of good unexpectedness.

"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction..." Job 36:16

A Women's World and a Man's World

Daily bodily womanhood maintenance:

BEFORE WORK: Wash face. Brush teeth. Smooth Away stray hairs. Take vitamins. Brush hair. Straigten (or curl) hair. Apply makeup (foundation, bronzer, shimmer, blush, eyeshadow, mascara and lip gloss). Reapply lotion. Pick out outfit. Put jewelry on.

DURING WORK: Balance the coordination of walking in heels while carrying 8 bags. Reapply chapstick hourly. Reapply hairspray at least twice.

AFTER WORK: Take jewelry off. Change into sweats. Shower (including shaving legs and armpits, and washing and conditioning hair). Brush teeth again. Apply bronzer lotion. Apply regular lotion. Blowdry hair.

Not including other daily dutes: making the bed, feeding the cat, folding any laundry in the dryer, making dinner, feeding the cat, doing the dishes, packing lunches for the following day, feeding the cat.

Weekly/Monthly bodily womanhood maintenance: eyebrow waxes, keeping toes and fingernails trimmed, filed, and painted, coloring hair, going to the gym to keep our deteriorating bodies fit, dealing with Aunt Flo. Need we say more?

Daily bodily manhood maitenance:

BEFORE WORK: Brush teeth. Grab pre-made lunch.

DURING WORK: Pee.

AFTER WORK: Brush teeth. Shower.

Not including other daily duties: play video games.

Weekly/Monthly bodily manhood maintenance: hair cuts.

Encouraging Words from Job

In my previous post where I mentioned that I have started to read the Bible in chronological order as the events occur in real time, I am now in the book of Job. As such, I came across two passages of scripture yesterday that touched me and I thought I'd share them with you.

In the midst of the Health Care phenomenon and the ever-increasing awareness of a changing America, we must take hope in knowing that God's grace is abundant. Despite our performance, He desires for us to live through Grace, and to know that He loves us even still.

Job 10: 14-16
If I sinned, you would be watching me and would not let my offense go unpunished. If I am guilty-woe to me! Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction. If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion and again display your awesome power against me.

Job 11:13-16
Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.

It does seem like we deserve so much wrath for the way we have misbehaved, but how freeing is it to know that He is still the lifter of our heads even in the darkest of hours? God does, indeed, have a plan for us, for this country, and knowing that He is in control brings me more comfort than I could hope for.

Turn Up the Music and Turn Down the Noise

Yesterday I went to one of those "Ladies Retreats" at Clearriver with my mom and sisters. It was such a beautiful day. There was not a cloud in the sky and the birds were singing. What an irony it was because the theme of the day was "Turn up the music and turn down the noise." As such, Zibby had decorated the event with birds, which turned out to be a perfect correlation with the day's weather.

I never knew Zibby had a comedic tune to her disposition. She is such a cheery person with lots of gems to offer. I was truly touched by her words and immediately inspired to go home and study the bible after the day's end. Of course, I didn't right away. I ended up running errands, of course, but this morning I have begun reading the chronology of events in the NIV as they occur in real time...compliments of Zibby and her team. Thanks for the tips, Zibby!

And what an amazing journey it is, to begin reading the beginning, where all of creation was set in place and the breath of human life was formed. It occured to me, as I was reading this morning, that when we hear the terms "second chance, second man, etc." or second anything referring to the dying to sin, in the bible, that God really gave us a second chance at life. Originally, he had given the world a chance with the creation of Adam and Eve as new beings set to multiply the earth and subdue it, but when they ruined it by eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, he cursed them (that was the first chance). The "second" chance obviously came when died on the cross for our sins allowing us to become a new man. How cool is it that God gave us a second chance? He loved us that much.

The thing that stuck out to me the most about yesterday's study were the parts I heard from Zibby, and others, about listening to God instead of constantly talking. God is so timely because this was one of the main lessons of the meeting, and I have been struggling with this exact thing: learning how to press in without feeling guilty for not always having something to say. I always feel like I have to do the talking when I'm with God. Like, I always have to say things (perhaps it is my justification for making myself feel better) and mention everyone and their brother in my prayers. If I don't have an outline or feel like I covered all my bases, I feel guilty and get discouraged. It was such a relief to know that I don't have to do that all the time.

God wants us to just be in His presence sometimes, I think. He is not always looking for us to say something when we pray because frankly, a lot of times we probably just do it so we can cross it off our list and move on with our day. There is nothing wrong with just sitting in silence, taking in the peace and glory of His mercies and meditating on His word. As many of the women said, this is when they hear God most.

I like that I can press in just by being with Him and sitting with Him. I love that there is no pressure and that I have a place to feel completely vulnerable and transparent in. It's rather freeing.

Praise God for gems of wisdom from inspirational speakers and divine leaders like the women yesterday!

Friday

Well folks, it's finally Friday. That means it's time to jump and up and down and do the funky dance. Woo!

I'm sitting at work, here in the Chantilly office, in my office, and no one is bothering me. It's music to my ears. I've got all my work done. A few things keep popping up in my inbox on this beautiful, non-attention spanned day, but I cannot seem to get my mind off of getting out of here.

I had a couple of client previews today. That always makes the time go by. Clients come in, I lead them to the show room and chat for a few with them and the sales rep to build rapport. We train them on how to set up their display and then they're on their way. It's exciting stuff, let me tell ya.

What is planned this weekend? Well it's being kicked off with a work Happy Hour "Dip Off" at 3:30p, planned by our fabulous Events Committee. I am not even in the mood to have a drink. I just want a cup of joe. Starbucks, to be exact. I had to settle for 7-eleven coffee this morning because my dumb butt didn't set my alarm right. I'm famous for that. We were going to see Shutter Island with some friends tonight, but Isaac has to get up early for drill, so we may just watch our Netflix at home. Besides, I like my Friday afternoons trotting off to the mall or such before settling in. As I said, Isaac's off to drill Saturday and Sunday and I'm headed to an all-day retreat with Mom and the sisters tomorrow. Pretty busy weekends we've been having lately, I'll say.

Has anyone ever been to Okra's? I'd like to go there one day soon as the weather gets nicer and sit out on the patio with a glass of riesling and listen to the live music. I'm ready for nice weather and the breeze and the pool and the beach.

The summer of 2010 is fast approaching. What in the world happened to the past decade? I thought just yesterday I was graduating high school, let alone, college. Now, I have all these bills and responsibilities of a grown up--and being grown up is for the birds! I'm just saying...

Perfection is Unattainable

BEWARE: GUT WRENCHING REALITY AHEAD

I was thinking today about not being perfect. Or...I guess I should say trying not to be perfect? Is that possible, to try to make an effort not to be perfect? We all want to make ourselves look good. This is a huge downfall of mine. I try so hard to impress people...especially salespeople and management in my job. I really try hard to make everyone like me and have them think I'm something special; put me in a different category, if you will. And, I am almost overly thorough to a fault. I do not want anyone to see me mess up or see my points of failure that I try to hide so desperately, so I go over the top to make sure I cover my bases and not forget anything. God is really waking me up to the reality of imperfection. It's just not possible. It's not feasible. And trying to bring it to the table is imperfection in and of itself.

What it means to live: Yesterday I had an encounter with a salesperson at work. He walked into my office and began parading about, telling me all these things that were going wrong with this project I was managing. I felt belittled. I was caught off guard and I began questioning my skills. Why did I let someone's words, who doesn't even know me very well, think they could get to me by calling out the imperfections of the way I was managing? I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I can't do it all. So, why even try making myself think that I can?

Normally, I would have totally been thrown for a loop with the whole ordeal -- wringing out every last ounce of dramatization I could, gone into hiding (emotionally), been embarassed, and turned red. Then I would have gotten mad and ran to the nearest person to divulge my anger. I was mad, actually. And I almost did all that. In fact, I did do some of it, but something came over me at the last minute and turned my madness into an opportunity. I said to myself, you can either let this guy get to you and press your buttons to the point of sheer hatred and bitterness. Or, you can kill him with kindness. I did have a few choice words with him about my experience and the ability and capability to handle projects, but I did not let my anger get the best of me past the point of regret. For once in a long time I did not take my angerness to the next level. I can only attribute that to the One...for pointing out my imperfections (perhaps another revelation of weakness?). For, instead of snubbing the man who made me feel stupid, I tried to soften my heart and listen to him. Maybe he, himself, has a problem with anger. Maybe everyone in his life has treated him with disrespect so he takes his disappointments in himself out on others. You never know what's going on in someone's mind and heart and what they might need to hear.

That, to me, is living. If even for only a second realizing that you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do it all. You don't have all the skills and all the tools required for every certain job. You don't have all the answers. You cannot make everyone happy and by trying to, you make yourself miserable in the process. Learning to let go is learning to live. And knowing that who you are is all God wants you to be--not anything that He hasn't made you. Love. Live. Try not to overanalyze. And be content.

It is not easy, and very rare at that, but when I do let go of the unattainable standards I have set for myself, my level of achievement is much easier to reach. I cannot emphasize it enough. If you are trying to be perfect, if you are in the middle of trying to do something all on your own because you don't trust anyone, if you are not sure that you crossed all your t's and dotted all your i's...you probably aren't, you probably can't, and you probably didn't. Why? Because you are imperfect. And that's okay.

The End of an Era

I am probably going to regret staying up so late, in the morning. I should be in bed. I should be fast asleep considering it's really 1am, instead of 12am. I should be preparing for springing forward. But no, here I sit nestled in my Big-land couch wrapped up in my green snuggie and listening to the raindrops.

Today was Carleton Raiford's funeral. A "gentle giant," a man of great faith, a servant, a warrior, a husband, friend, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. The room filled with many, today, symbolized honor. For we honored Carleton's life, his service, and his ministry of love and friendship.

There are not many people in the world like Carleton: that of grace with a twist of hilariousity. He was a riot.

I remember going to Kings Dominion with him sometime when he was in his 70s, I think. He loved those coasters. He lived for them. He would have ridden them up until the day he left us, if he could. He seemed to have no fear.

Mom said he would keep a coffee cup by his bedside at night and wake up in the middle of the night and take sips of it. Who does that? Only Carleton.

The Farm was, and is, a peaceful place. A place of rest and home to many. It was there my parents grew to develop the greatest bonds they ever knew, and make lifelong friends who lived for long afternoon chats and coffee breaks.

A few things I remember about being on the Farm with Kitty and Carleton were the tireswing in the front yard and the freshly cut grass. Carleton loved cutting the grass, and he was faithful at it even into his late years. Thinking of that freshly cut grass reminds me of picnics and get togethers and summer shind digs grilling hamburgers and hot dogs on their deck. I never got enough of them.

It was, indeed, a haven. It is a haven. And it will always be remembered as the Farm that Kitty and Carleton fostered many frienships in, including my family's. I don't think I ever said it to anyone but myself before, but I loved them. Very much. Though it may be the end of an era with their physical bodies no longer here, their legacy lives on.

The Thorns

I'm on this kick about strength in weakness. I can't get away from it. It follows me and shows up in my face wherever I go. It reminds me of itself daily as God has a way of stringing things together to make perfect sense in the exact timing He wants it to. Just yesterday I received an article from a blog I follow about it again: weakness. But, moreover, the strength we find in it. Coincidence? I think not! I drew one small snippet from the entire thing that touched my heart and it was this: Paul came to understand and embrace the fact that his thorn in the flesh was essential to his ongoing weakness and the experience of Christ's ongoing power.. These are the words of Kent Hughes, senior Pastor of College Church in Illinois.

The writer went on to say that he was having a rough start to his day and was finding it difficult to get motivated and organized about his thoughts, which then led him into his point on finding the power and strength in times of weakness. And that, perhaps not being able to do it all and do it all well was a point of significant remembrance and lesson to lean not on ourselves, but our Savior. I can't even believe that this exact thing I've been throwing around has made it's way to me again. God must be knocking at my door. I wonder how long He's been there?

The thing that struck me today in reading the article, and perhaps this is the nugget of Truth to take away from this lesson, was the part about the thorn. What a powerful word. Thorn. There are millions and trillions of thorns, each one gnawing at humanity like nightmares in the dark. We limp from their demobilizing capabilities and faint from their pungent odors. They are plenty, not few. They blindfold us, hold us back, taunt our fears, and become the single point of focus for most of our little lives. Thorns cause us to use crutches because of the tears and scars we carry with us each and every day. They make us sad, bring us down, and remind us of our pain.

This concept of the thorn, though, is perpetually the single most important thing in our walk with Christ, for it is the recognition of it-wholly and unselfishly-that makes our reliance on Him apparent and real. I can't imagine life without thorns and I don't think I want to, because it's the thorns that remind me I can't do it alone and that I need Him to help me. It's the thorns that tell me I need to trust and lean on Him. And even though the thorns are painful, they're my daily prompter to reveal just how pitiful I am without Christ.

I think it was Dr. Rutland, President of Oral Roberts University and former President of Southeastern University (I think I heard my pop say this once, too) who once said that walking with a limp is good. If you haven't guessed it by now I'm not referring to a physical limp, though that may very well be the case with your thorn. It could be a burden, a mistake that you have to live with for the rest of your life, a failed business venture, a physical ailment, a loss of job, a car wreck you just got in to, a financial downspiral, a hardship, a battle, an unexpected twist, a long-suffering journey, a broken household, a loss of a loved one, or others that are making you walk with a crutch.

The parallel here is Jesus' thorn. But His thorns He bore were much, much worse. In fact, they were so bad that they caused him to die. It tears me up inside when I watch the movie "The Passion," by Mel Gibson, that portrays Christ on the cross in the worst pain humanity could possibly bear. And we think our thorns are bad? Try again. Our pains are merely papercuts compared to the nails that he endured. But much like Jesus, we too do have these thorns that carry with us, sometimes for life. But the really cool thing is, we do not really have to carry them anymore because He has already offered to carry them for us. When He was being nailed to the cross He was ultimately saying that He would bear all of our sins, our pains, our hurts, our fears, our temptations, and our scars on our behalf so that we might live free from guilt and condemnation. And when we begin to lay these thorns and limps down at the cross, we can openly weep at His feet in remembrance of what He did and realize that nothing we are going through is impossible because He is right there with us.

I will leave you with one passage of scripture that touched my heart this week:

Luke 7: 36-50
Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pahrisee's house and recline at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is - that she is a sinner."

Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."

"Tell me, teacher," he said.

"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."

"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman?" I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I enetered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"

Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Jobs

There are a couple of things I've been thinking about recently, as they relate to jobs. I guess I'll just lump them all together in one fell swoop. They do not all have one outcome or bring value to one thing in particular, but they are mere observations about jobs in and of themselves.

1. Sacrificial Training: As I started my new job in November and had to "learn the ropes," if you will, of a new position again I was reminded of how much time it takes to learn a new job and how much patience and effort it takes to train one to learn a new job. As such, I realized that there must be a thing called sacrificial training. When one does start a new job there is a certain level of time and dedication that goes into training that new person. Jobs are not learned overnight. And I'm sorry, but they are not learned either (very well) by being thrown to the wolves. Hands-on learning does help, but one should always be prepped and equipped with the tools to learn before jumping right in.

When someone is learning something new, the person training them has to be patient. They themselves, if they don't know already, have to "learn" that they are going to have to let go of what they're doing from time to time and give their attention to that person. It may not be easy or ideal, but it has to happen. I know it may not always be that person's choice to be the trainer, but the trainee does not care or even know that this might be the case. You cannot expect the new person to understand everything about the company overnight, learn the systems overnight, and grasp the concept of an organization's processes in an instant. Who trained you? Who taught you? Did they take their time? Did they let go of what they were doing for moments and help you truly learn what you were supposed to be doing? Taking the time to train someone is key, and it is a sacrifice. But if it is done with care and done slowly, they will (let's hope), in the end, be better at what they do, learn quicker, and understand more easily. And let's face it, it will benefit you as well.

2. Doing your job is like running your own business: If you want to be successful you have to act successfully. Doing a job sometimes is hard work, but if you want great outcomes you have to put into it what you want to get out of it. It is like creating your own franchise and dipping into the world entrepreneurialism. There a lots of negative things about working for a corporation or "Big Brother," if you will, but you can make good out of it too. Doing your job is like making a name for yourself, like marketing yourself, whether that be good or bad. You can become well known by your good works and ability to get along with people or you can easily become talked about as one of the folks who doesn't try hard or get along with others easily. When you run your own business, you want to succeed so you take everything you know and have and all your good qualities and talents and wrap them up into the biggest outpourings of your business. The same way applies to your job. You wouldn't want your business to fail, so why would you want to fail at your job? Your job is your business. It's your paycheck. And slacking off only hurts, not helps.

In a general sense, you are working with people and for people every day. You are making sure that the operations you are responsible for are being followed through and carried out. You support, you delegate, you respond, you organize. You run your own business. We all do. And by doing so, we can either create a welcoming, warm, responsible, and reliable environment or we can create a crappy one by which no one wants to come to us for anything and no one feels they can rely on us for anything. You promote yourself, and it is up to you how it's done.

3. We've had a lot of jobs: I was thinking about how many different types of jobs Isaac and I have had over the years. Some were hideous while others were great, and great for us, experientially. We only start to, we hope, rise as we move forward. The lower class credit jobs helped us get that higher class payroll job and the esteemed Military role helped us dance on into the Police Academy. The coffee making helped us land the Key Holder position at the Card shop and the Operations experience serenaded us into the world of Fulfillment Management.

There is so much knowledge to gain and I feel I have only hit the rim of the iceberg.