Home is where the heart is.

The last time I remember writing a blog post on a late Friday night was in our condo on Handerson Place. Though I think I've written on a Friday night since then, something about that night sticks out. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is the fact that I feel some of the same things tonight that I did that night? Comforted. Loved. Filled. Cozy.

I miss our condo. To shreds. Though it smelled worse and worse like Sandy's pee at the end of our time there, it was always home. And we shared many things there together, Isaac and I. Our first adventure together as "homeOWNERS." Our first time becoming parents. Our first food poisoning event. The good (and bad) list goes on. Tears, fights, meltdowns, heartaches, joy, laughter, long nights. Smells of CURRY from neighbors below.

There's just something about certain places that will always stick out in your mind. Your heart. You can't forget them. And certain things that bring you BACK to those certain places.

God bless Handerson.

But, as life goes, we move on. We move homes. We move our tangible, earthly pieces of our living space to other dwellings. And we do this for the rest of lives until we find a place to settle in.

As such, we are not settled in to a long-term home yet, but we find ourselves back on West St where I grew up. Five doors down from my childhood home. The circle of life?

Isaac lived on this street too when we were dating back in high school in a small apartment, walking distance from me.

He and I both might be destined to die on this road.

In all seriousness, I never thought we'd end up back on West. Like, never. Let alone in the HOUSE we chose to buy. In fact, I did NOT like this end of the road at all growing up. It didn't seem cozy or homey to me. It seemed impersonal and too out in the open. No privacy and visible to a busy road.

But here we are. And here I sit, on a Friday night, writing in my living room in this house on West St.

And I can't say I hate it.

Though I can't say I'm in LOVE either. But I might be FALLING in love.

When we first looked at this house it was so grungy. Bushes were crowding the front stoop, dying and lifeless. The kitchen was a mess and the bathroom needed a COMPLETE overhaul. Did I mention we had no driveway?

But it was cheap. And Isaac made.stuff.happen with his painting and repair skills.

If I do one twirl in the hallway I can see every room in this 900sq ft house. This is how small it is people.

There is nowhere to go when one is mad. You can hear people pooping in the bathroom from all rooms, and one creak opening a cabinet somehow sends a signal to Levi's small ears that it's time to wake up.

But it's our house. Our precious home that we love dearly. Our grass is green in the summer. Our neighbors are friendly, and we basically have built-in babysitters.

Like every move we make, I shall be sad when we go. But the new memories we've made here warm my heart ever so.

Breaking Free

There are moments when I feel so excited about all the things I want to do in life that I can't imagine doing anything else but writing to get my joy out.

I'm not even sure really what I'm excited aBOUT, but often times I have so much brewing in my mind that I can't do much else until I write it down. Do you ever get that way?

I haven't blogged in a LONG time. I'm talking a year. And I'm not quite sure why.

I've been bummed about my blog site itself. The way it looks, the capabilities of it, thinking it's not very interesting or very pretty to look at. Who reads it? You know, the standard things we all think.

There are a million and one blogs out there so WHY would someone be interested in mine? I guess the key is to keep moving forward. To keep doing what I'm doing, and doing what I love to do. The rest, as they say, will fall into place.

God has placed a sense of belonging on my heart.

Often, I have a hard time knowing where I belong, IF I belong, or why I DON'T belong.

The thing is, I WANT to belong. Somewhere, to some THING, in some way.

The truth?

I belong with Him. To Him. All the time.

For years, I wandered around worrying about fitting in. Being on point. Doing things I thought everyone else wanted me to do. Trying to measure up and COMPARING myself to others' achievements, successes, triumphs, and even failures and weaknesses.

Gosh, was I doing life all wrong.

The Lord reminds me daily that I belong to Him. That HE is my Creator, He is my shelter, and that I need HIM, and Him ONLY.

Instead of looking for answers in things I don't need, or that aren't healthy for me, I have an awareness to look for them in the places I can find real shelter. In Him.

The Lord teaches me daily that my body is a temple and that I am to honor Him with it. That it is not to be abused. That it is a gift, from Him, to be empowered to glorify Him with it.

And He shows me daily how I long to help others, especially women, see this Truth too.

I can meal plan and work out until the cows come home, but if I do not do it with Jesus-powered self-esteem, a humble confidence, a quiet trust, and a pure heart, then I am doing it in vain.

I will NEVER, I repeat NEVER, be a size 2 model with long legs. I will NEVER be naturally tan. I will NEVER be naturally blonde. I will NEVER be 25 again. I will NEVER be perfect.

We have to be OK with this. Why? Because He teaches us to love Him and honor Him with our minds, our bodies, and our spirits. Because He is the only way. And because all of the worldly fleshly things we seek are but vapors, waiting to be vanished.

Fixing our eyes on heaven while we glorify God with our bodies on earth is a whole outlook I am beginning to explore.

God is revealing to me daily how much I need to love my body. The one He gave me. To love it's intricacies, and to LOVE and ENJOY exercise and nutrition. Not because I HAVE to, but because I want to. And because it's fun. And because I want to reach hearts and share the message that we are beautiful, loved, creatures.