It's taken me a long time to realize what enjoying life really is. And what loving my body really means. And what giving it to the Lord really does for me.
My sister sent me an article tonight about how being a mom is enough.
Before I became a mom I was always trying to figure myself out. Learn this or that about. Pursue my passions. Figure out what I wanted to do. Do everything it took to discover my insides.
Being a mom doesn't define me, but it does help me put things into perspective.
I'm not saying this to be cliche or to be one of those annoying mommy-bloggers who think they have the whole "not figured out" thing, figured out. I'm just saying this to say that being a mom is really humbling, eye-opening, and a nudge to get you out of your comfort zone, yet be at peace with who you are, all at the same time.
I find myself annoying to people when I'm in line at the store and I'm calling Levi to come here when he's at the sunglasses stand and not listening. I raise my voice and add a frustrated tone.
"Annoyed much?" people in line behind me are probably saying.
Yes. I'm annoyed. And it's out of my comfort zone to BE annoyed in public at a preschooler. But I have to, because if I don't sound serious he will stand there all day and then I will have to walk over to get him and hold up people behind me.
Uncomfortable.
Humbling.
At the same time, I find myself at peace with the realization that I just might BE annoying. I can't help it. I do my best to make the best decisions in AND out of the public eye, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.
I have sags and bags, stretch marks, flab, impatience, I get frustrated. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed, I'm spent. I get angry. I get lonely. I get sad. I get HANGRY. I get jealous. I get tired.
And I JUST want to watch my Nicholas Sparks movies after he goes to bed. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK PEOPLE?!
But seriously. At peace.
I'm coming to peace with the realization that I have responsibilities at this point that require me to be ON point.
To stop what I'm doing and take a little person to the potty.
To not be able to be a part of an adult conversation all the time because I am hiding Easter eggs for an ambitious 4-year old.
To know that I don't have it all together, but that I put makeup on and rock those sneaks like they're stilettos because they're what I enjoy and what is comfortable in the moment.
Enjoying life, to me, is about getting that popcorn at the movie theater. Enjoying the wine. Sitting on the couch when you could be doing dishes. And just breathing.
You're tired, momma. Relax.
Loving my body means finally realizing that we are filled with a world of other women and moms who think these exact same things. Who worry and fret about these exact same body-image issues, thereby creating an entire sea of women who suffer and feel jealousy, self-consciousness, remorse, and shame.
Momma, you are loved and beautiful. Relax.
Giving it to the Lord is the ultimate challenge. AND goal.
I forGOT that the answer in all this is to give it to Him. When we finally realize it, we will find so much joy and help beyond what we could ever fathom on our own.
He is in control of our passions, our desires, our wants, needs, fears, and our hearts.
When we give those to Him, he sees our hearts. He reaches down and grabs these emotions, I think. And controls them. Puts them into perspective for us, slows us down, and helps us to recall that when He has our hearts, life is so much better.
That's it. When he HAS our hearts.
Give Him your heart, dear momma. He won't let you down.
