Goodbye, 2015.

As I sit here in my kitchen, that we've owned for all of 2015 now, I look out at the backyard and see a soccer ball nestled in the grass by the fence. The branches on the trees are bare and our NEW neighbors kept that hideous sun painted on the garage after they moved in. I miss "Jim," the guy who lived there before. I totally don't remember his real name, but that's what we called him. Jim. He used to sit out on his front porch and smoke cigarettes, greeting us nearly ever time we walked outside to get in the car or play in the front yard. It never failed.

He did yard work endlessly. And while Isaac was gone during the day and it was just me and Levi at home, it would comfort me knowing he was out there. Smoking a cig or mowing the lawn.

Not much has changed around these parts. We've made some interior improvements to the house, rearranged some furniture, and hung a few things. But for the most part the smallness of this house keeps us limited in our decor strategy.

Though small, we do love this house and everything it has to offer. It's coziness, it's obligation to force our close proximity, the front and back yards, the weird creaks and noises, and all of our routines.

In 2015, this house has seen a lot:

painful tears
smiles of happiness
goofy-ness
funky dance moves
singing concerts (only when one is aLONE, I might add)
laughs
admiration for one another
confusion about life and career paths
the pondering of God's mysterious plans
clarity
heartbreak
fear and anger
hurt
frustration
irritability
love
grace
shelter
prayer
sickness
health
new and old recipes
cookie-making
friends
family from far away
and much, much more.

Though it has been often been hard for me to admit and remember that God was good in 2015, He is. And He always will be. No matter how much I don't understand Him and His ways, He still remains good. And better than any other thing or god or spirit humanity tries to replace Him with.

To summarize the year, I would need to write all day as I have barely skimmed the surface here.

2015 was hard, in many, many ways. And there was some good, too.

Isaac re-committed to the Army.

I finally got my military I.D. Woo-hoo for trips to the PX and tax free shopping!

We bought a new mattress.

Levi saw his first movie: Despicable Me 3.

He also turned four. I turned 32 and Isaac turned 33. Apparently he's "middle-aged" now. This is what he tells me. And PARTICULARLY because I found a gray hair on his head the other day.

Mom and I went on three skillion shopping trips.

I took on more work, at work.

Isaac took on a trainee.

We bought a FAKE Christmas tree (the horror!).

I lost 13lbs (WOO!)

I realized that "he who does not weep, does not see." (Les Mis)

And that I missed writing.

And I love love love love LOVE One Tree Hill.

I realized that exercise is good. Any form. Even walking. But excessively, it can potentially be a harm, not a help, to your body.

I learned that as desperately as I may desire something, it will not always be granted. Even with a thousand prayers. But that it is ok to ask for the thing, directly. And that I don't have to dance around it.

That I can talk to He who hears, and He who already knows. Just like I'm talking to you.

We went to Miami for our first time ever, and Isaac surprised me with a trip to NYC for 2016.

My heart leapt.

I pray and hope my heart leaps many, many more times in 2016. Not just for a trip to my favorite city or Netflix and Hulu binge-sessions (alTHOUGH....hellllooooooo up and coming Bachelor and American Idol seasons, I have missed you!!). But for all the memory-making I know we'll do all over again.

May each old memory rest in it's past and each new memory made be done with Grace, Love, in Prayer, and in Peace.

Cheers to closing out 2015. Here's to the New Year!

Sitting by the tree.

Each Christmas season I sometimes get so overwhelmed with all there is to do, including putting up decorations, that what I really would like to do is bypass it all.

By the time I spend the time thinking about doing everything I've already expended enough energy in my head over it that I'm done before I even start.

The outside lights.

The mantle decor.

The tree.

The gifts.

The making a LIST of gifts.

The BUYING of the gifts.

The WRAPPING of the gifts.

The money to BUY the gifts.

The baking.

The parades (now THESE I do not mind -- in fact they're one of my favorite parts of Christmas).

Family events, gatherings, parties, services (another favorite part of the season!).

I mean, getting down the bins from the attic is a chore right in itself.

Exhibit A: Asking your husband that you'll need his help in climbing up there to search for stuff that is probably only halfway labeled, and labeled incorrectly, some in crumpled trash bags because you wanted to get the crap put away after New Year's, and quickly...

(..."yeah hunny, just look for the bags with the twigs sticking out of them, I think those are the ones. Yeah, that's right. Unless that's my fall or Easter decor. I'm not sure, can you just bring them all down? I'll sort through and you can put back what we don't need later"...)

..takes a certain amount of strategy and skill in knowing the right time of day, and the right mood he's in, to bring it up.

You don't just ASK out of nowhere. It must be planned and thought out.

Because we know that what they're thinking is that going up to the attic for 5 minutes, once a year, is painful.

Anyhoo -- here I am sittin' by the tree with all my crumple-bagged ornaments on it. Lights a twinklin'. And....it's pretty heavenly.

Despite the nuisance of it all, once everything is up it's pretty enjoyable to look at.

There's something peaceful about sitting by the tree, alone, at night, when everything is still.

Something magical.

I like to think I'm a kid again with that sparkle in my eye, hoping and wishing desperately for Christmas morning to come. Seeing what's in those packages and unveiling all the surprises that have taunted me for weeks.

I think we all need a little peace by the lights from time to time. To enjoy the stillness. To think about the day. And prepare for the tomorrows that always come without fail.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

One Tree Hill, you inspire me.

Nine long seasons of goodness. Gone.

I remember when I started watching it for the first time. I was all, "Woo-hoo! Nine seasons?! This'll take FOREVER to finish. It's only just the beginning."

But...here I sit. And just like that, in a flash, the series finale has come and gone.

I never knew such goodness in a TV series until this one.

Call me cheesy. Call me crazy. Call me weird. Call me whatever you want, but I fell in LOVE with this series. The kind of love where there characters become your family (lol) and you can relate to them and associate things in their lives with your own.

The many reasons I loved this show:

-the music.
-the quotes and literature.
-the bonds.
-the gathering places.
-the great loves.

It first aired 12 years ago, fresh out of the 90s, and really took me back to my high school days, which is another reason why I could relate so well to everything. They wore a lot of the same clothes and had the same styles of when I was growing up in those awesome days of puberty and acne development.

I also felt like it wasn't TOTALLY unrealistic. I mean it was to some degree, as every show is, but it wasn't done so overly dramatic that I couldn't find it believable.

Not everyone slept with everyone either. Which is why I also liked it. Shows nowadays have everyone getting together with everyone.

The loves and relationships of Tree Hill pretty much remained the same - and once a couple got together they pretty much stayed together, despite a few rocky roads here and there.

I don't want to recap the show here, or write a review really, I simply just want to relay how this show made me feel and what impact and inspiration it had on me.

The love of basketball and sports in this movie caught my heart. Kind of off-guard, too. I've never been big into basketball, but I think I'm going to get a hoop for our driveway now. So many good memories can be created with family and friends shooting hoops. And I don't just believe this from watching the show, but I've seen this and heard this from other family and friends.

Nathan and Haley's great love.

The way that Haley stood by Nathan to chase his dreams to get the NBA was so touching. It made ME want to be a better wife and mother. More supportive of Isaac's dreams.

The way Haley chased her own dreams in the process and the way that Nathan was supportive of her, too, just pierced my soul.

The way Haley was strong, raising a child when she practically WAS one herself, yet still doing all the things in life she wanted to do.

The way Nathan and Haley had ups and downs, but let their strong love for each other see them through. The way they were more passionate and in love with each other the more the years went on.

The way Nathan changed. For Haley. Because of Haley.

The bond of brotherhood between Nathan and Lucas.

Lucas and Petyon's great love.

The river court. The games played there. The memories made. Mouth, who started his dreams announcing games on that court.

The way Peyton confessed her love for Lucas in writing on that court.

High school.

Cheerleading. Brooke's love for it.

The lockers and halls and kisses in between classes. The basketball games and confetti after the championship game.

Watching Brooke grow into a mature and respectable woman. Finding her own true love and watching her become first an independent woman, and then a wife and mom.

All of these moments. These nuggets. These snippets of a non-reality storyline that felt so real, to me, touched so close to home, which is why I loved them so very much.

Which is why I loved the characters so very much.

Which is why I could relate to almost all of them. I could see a bit of myself in all of them.

Most of all, I loved their love for each other and how they let each of their selves change into better people. Watching them grow and learn from mistakes, watching them become wives and husbands, mothers and fathers. Being supportive of each other.

The conversations they had with one another were full. They talked about what they really felt and said, for the most part, what they really meant. They didn't leave much out like you wouldn't do in a real life conversation.

Finally, the love they had for their own town was what also inspired me. There's something special about the setting you are raised in. And even if it has changed, you still tend to remember it like it always was. And how certain spaces made you feel at different times in your life.

This is what a town does to you. You grow to know it. It's crevices, it's nooks and cranny's, the ins and outs of it's character, and the characters IN it.

You find love. You make love. You become in love.

And when you've got places like the river court and Karen's Cafe to help you along and relationships like Nathan and Haley's to inspire your commitments, life becomes a little more fun, a bit lighter, and full of love. The best love.

One Tree Hill has inspired me to write. To find the inner spaces of my soul and put them to work in my writing. To use past memories, music from my youth, passages from great authors, and stories from days gone by to dig deep within and breathe life into them again.