It's Monday morning, 9:09 a.m. and here I sit in my office to start another week. I'm tired, I'm cold, and I'm sick of drinking water. The nausea that I already feel is exacerbated by the additional water intake required for a pregnant person.
As I write, my feet are tucked into a borrowed space heater underneath my desk. It's cold in this office! It probably doesn't help the fact that I'm wearing flip flops. But what do you want from me? It's April, dangit, and I want to wear them!
I'm pretty lucky to have this job--a job where I can write or catch up on other things during the slow season, or when I am in a lull.
This weekend we started cleaning out the baby's room (I can't believe I'm saying that...the baby's room, our baby's room). The room still leaves a lot to be desired, but we filtered out most of the junk and made piles to organize accordingly--you know me and my organizing neat-freak obsessions. We still need to find something to do with that old-fashioned, antique table we call a desk and the yellow and green plaid and striped pullout couch we bought several years ago. Many a folk have slept on that couch and I will honestly be sad to give it up. Not only for sentimental reasons, but because it wasn't cheap!
The baby's room will be green. We are not re-painting it. No-thank-you. If it's a girl, we will accent it with pink, and if it's a boy, green is just as fine a color as blue or something else, and perfectly fitting.
I've been thinking a lot this weekend about becoming a parent and all that it entails. I know they say no one knows what they're doing and you figure it out as you go along, but I have to wonder if I'm doing all the right things to prepare. Am I reading enough books, magazines, blogs, articles, etc. and do I really have a good timeline down of when and how the major milestones are supposed to fall within the pregnancy. What parenting classes, if any, should we take. Should we do any birthing classes or breastfeeding or CPR classes, etc. There is so much to think about.
And then I wonder, did anybody else do all this stuff? Do other people take parenting classes and birthing classes? When did they get their tour of the hospital and how come my doctor hasn't mentioned it yet? I know...I'm probably unnecessarily freaking out. That's just in my nature.
All I have to say is thank God for friends and family and those who went before us, because otherwise I would be a nervous wreck.
While I'm scared about being a mom, I'm also really open to the fact that it is not going to be perfect and I do not have the willpower or stamina to be all-naturale, organic, and consistently holistic (though I often secretly wish I did). I definitely am not a fan of cloth diapers, birthing plans, or struggling to breastfeed if it's not working. I don't want to have to buy formula because I know it's expensive. But if that's what it comes down to, then so be it.
Babies are precious miracles of life. Especially this baby. And I want to do everything I can to give it the best childhood possible. But I also realize that babies are messy, poopy, expensive, and hard to entertain. I am not perfect and neither is Isaac. We will have many sleepless nights, I'm sure. Many doctor bills and countless unplanned ocurrences which will "disrupt" our ideal parenting plans.
And then of course there's the whole "losing our freedom" thing. What was freedom again? I'm sure we'll ask ourselves in a short few months time.
We have spent years and years of picking up and going where we please, when we please, and for how long we please. We have made some great memories and done some amazing things together. Too many to count. For example, last fall when all of us "kids" went to Gaitlinburg, rented a cabin, and went ziplining. Or, the time when, Carrie, Isaac and I went to Virginia Beach and stayed in that roach motel. Ahhh memories. Then of course there's our beautiful honeymoon in Jamaica and our returning visit a few years later when we brought Carrie. I will never, ever forget those times.
Those are big vacations, though. I am also talking about the Friday night movies with just-us-two that will be no longer. Or the late night Bonefish dinners on Saturday nights. Those will be rare occasions, I'm sure, until the baby is grown into a young adult.
All these things are a lot to grasp at once. And like people say, your life completely changes. But I know it's also for the better, like they also say. There will be nothing sweeter than finally seeing that little person we made together. Holding it in our arms, smelling its skin and hair and smushing it with kisses.
New memories, lots of new memories, are in store...
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