Perfection is Unattainable

BEWARE: GUT WRENCHING REALITY AHEAD

I was thinking today about not being perfect. Or...I guess I should say trying not to be perfect? Is that possible, to try to make an effort not to be perfect? We all want to make ourselves look good. This is a huge downfall of mine. I try so hard to impress people...especially salespeople and management in my job. I really try hard to make everyone like me and have them think I'm something special; put me in a different category, if you will. And, I am almost overly thorough to a fault. I do not want anyone to see me mess up or see my points of failure that I try to hide so desperately, so I go over the top to make sure I cover my bases and not forget anything. God is really waking me up to the reality of imperfection. It's just not possible. It's not feasible. And trying to bring it to the table is imperfection in and of itself.

What it means to live: Yesterday I had an encounter with a salesperson at work. He walked into my office and began parading about, telling me all these things that were going wrong with this project I was managing. I felt belittled. I was caught off guard and I began questioning my skills. Why did I let someone's words, who doesn't even know me very well, think they could get to me by calling out the imperfections of the way I was managing? I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I can't do it all. So, why even try making myself think that I can?

Normally, I would have totally been thrown for a loop with the whole ordeal -- wringing out every last ounce of dramatization I could, gone into hiding (emotionally), been embarassed, and turned red. Then I would have gotten mad and ran to the nearest person to divulge my anger. I was mad, actually. And I almost did all that. In fact, I did do some of it, but something came over me at the last minute and turned my madness into an opportunity. I said to myself, you can either let this guy get to you and press your buttons to the point of sheer hatred and bitterness. Or, you can kill him with kindness. I did have a few choice words with him about my experience and the ability and capability to handle projects, but I did not let my anger get the best of me past the point of regret. For once in a long time I did not take my angerness to the next level. I can only attribute that to the One...for pointing out my imperfections (perhaps another revelation of weakness?). For, instead of snubbing the man who made me feel stupid, I tried to soften my heart and listen to him. Maybe he, himself, has a problem with anger. Maybe everyone in his life has treated him with disrespect so he takes his disappointments in himself out on others. You never know what's going on in someone's mind and heart and what they might need to hear.

That, to me, is living. If even for only a second realizing that you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do it all. You don't have all the skills and all the tools required for every certain job. You don't have all the answers. You cannot make everyone happy and by trying to, you make yourself miserable in the process. Learning to let go is learning to live. And knowing that who you are is all God wants you to be--not anything that He hasn't made you. Love. Live. Try not to overanalyze. And be content.

It is not easy, and very rare at that, but when I do let go of the unattainable standards I have set for myself, my level of achievement is much easier to reach. I cannot emphasize it enough. If you are trying to be perfect, if you are in the middle of trying to do something all on your own because you don't trust anyone, if you are not sure that you crossed all your t's and dotted all your i's...you probably aren't, you probably can't, and you probably didn't. Why? Because you are imperfect. And that's okay.