Fear for the future.

I've been every bit of writing on this blog lately, haven't I? It feels good to be back!

...

A few months ago, I announced to my boss that I was taking classes to obtain a teaching license for Health and P.E. I told her that the eventual goal was to get a position in a school system in the fall.

Her reaction?

"That's awesome! I believe every person should do what they want to do. You're young, you have lots of time, go for it. Just let me know what you need."

In my head, here's me: "Did she really just say these words?"

I thought her reaction would be that of disappointment and worry for our department. I'm so glad it wasn't. She has made this process, and hopefully soon-to-be transition, so easy for me. And while I continue in 28 North misery, I sing praises for my job and am so thankful for a supportive, helpful, and strategic work family.

Needless to say, I'm scared as ever for the months to come. She is putting out an ad for my position in June, and is beginning to tell our team of my hopeful plans so they're aware.

But, I don't have a job, I keep telling myself. And politely tell her.

She knows. And she's made it perfectly clear that if I don't get one, my place here is not going anywhere and I can stay as long as I need to.

Again, thankful for that. But still scared. I know my position is needed and important (it really is), especially since my teammate who does the same job I do is going on maternity leave in August. Talk about bad timing!

I know my boss just needs to prepare. I get it. But I'm still fearful.

I am glad that I have seen some fruits of my labor by responses from an important person I interviewed with a few weeks ago. I was 100% shocked that he responded after several days of not responding. Although vague, he has been nice enough to remind me that he's not one of those people who goes into a black hole after you meet. I am so grateful for that.

And frankly, I didn't think I made a good impression on him AT ALL. Which is why I'm shocked he responsded to my thank you email. I'm hoping something good, something very good, comes out my relationship with him that has started to form.

Thank you all for your thoughts and encouragement during this process.

While I'm fearful of not finding a job, I'm also fearful of other things too: time-consuming lesson planning, classroom management, misbehaving kids. And the list goes on.

A beautiful song on my way to work this morning reminded me of something simple to keep in mind:

"You are all I need when I'm surrounded. You are all I need if I'm by myself. You fill me when I'm empty. You are all I need."

No matter what happens and no matter where I end up, He's all I need. Period.