Pondering Nakedness

(I got you with the title, didn't I??!!)

HEE HEE.

It's 10:30 p.m.. And Hulu should be working for me, but it's not. It keeps freezing up and it's making me mad, so I guess there's nothing better for me to do but write.

It's weird that I can't turn on the TV now and watch whatever I want when I want. I literally am not able to watch anything unless Hulu is working (aside from reruns of shows on tbs or other things directly on the Internet).

This week I gotta tell ya, I'm a little disappointed. Every time Isaac is off work it seems he is sick. He has off two whole weeks - TWO WHOLE WEEKS - and low and behold the man has Strep Throat. And he is looming around the house in misery.

I was excited about these two weeks because it meant that he was going to be home, every day, and we would be spending time together in the evenings after Levi went to bed. But aside from just being plain tired from taking care of little Leaves, he is sick and not up for anything social. Hrumph.

So, here I sit on the living room couch in my pj's with a big honkin' bowl of popcorn by my side and a non-working Hulu. Levi in bed. Isaac in bed. Quiet, to myself, as every evening about this time for 15 minutes or so, lol.

What to do, what to do.

I've been thinking a lot about brokeness and baring my soul lately.

I talked with a friend this morning about brokeness for a moment, and how she is having to make sacrifices she wished she didn't have to make. And how it's hard, and sad, and painful.

And I thought about my own brokeness and how it is a state that I want to be in as much as I can for as long as I can. Not that God wants me to constantly be broken, but that I want to always know the feeling of my lost parts so I can recount the ways He saved me.

Even if it means baring my soul, or at least parts of it.

I love to write. And write just about anything. But what I'm not doing enough of is stripping my heart down to it's most intimate core so that I can share that I am not ashamed of who He made me.

The problem is that I have so many weaknesses and cold failures that I often wonder if the world would hate me if I bore them out on the table like a turkey being gutted at Thanksgiving. I bet so.

It can get ugly when we lay naked on the operation table.

But those are the times I think God works the most - when He sees the most from us - when He changes us the most:

When we are willing to lay down our own lives - our own disappointments - for a life He is worthy of giving.

We literally have nothing and nothing belongs to us. It's all His. As Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart" (Job 1:21).

Christ knows our nakedness. And if He knows it and loves us anyway, then we should not be ashamed to share it with the world.